When I was in my twenties, things didn’t change much. I was now attracted to men my age. Imagine that. However, there were a couple of cases when an older man (32) caught my attention. It was a very seductive thought. An older man. Oooohhh. A spoiled rich brat that started working at a fast food restaurant because his father was going to take him on the trust. I still have the silver Chai he gave me. I get a kick when people see me where it. A few gentlemen tried to have a conversation with me in Yiddish.
Let’s do that “If I knew then what I know now” thing. I’m getting to like that silly cliche; it serves its purpose. When I hit 19 and 20, I was a big whore. Let’s be honest. I slept with students, teachers, faculty at the school it was going to. I got my self-involved in all the school activities. I was secretary of Student Government, I was a Big Brother and a few other select committees I started.
So, yes. If with what I know now, I probably wouldn’t do that. I was immature and vulnerable. I manipulated men easily. I had a lot of fun. However, my nemesis showed a year later. He controlled me. He told me what to do, and I listened. He was my world. So much for being on top of the world. Now I was under his feet. I lost my heart, my way, and almost my life. Honestly, I don’t think I recovered from that break up that became a breakdown. If I knew him now, maybe I would still have gone out with him, only with a little more care.
In contrast, the guy with the Chai was hot. I mean an older man. It was taboo. He was taller than me. Nice toned body, brown eyes, and brown hair. A crooked smile, and a long nose (I tried to see if it was true), I didn’t know what to do. He took me to different places around the city. All I remember ever doing with him was get in his convertible Corvette and did a drug deal. He gave me his Chai, and I never saw him again. Imagine that. An older man. Hmm. Now I’m older than what he was when I met him.