New Beau and an Ex

New Beau and an Ex
Now that I’m in my 40’s I’m not really looking for someone too young. I want to meet someone that is around my age plus or minus ten years at the most. I don’t want to be the dirty old man like that guy I was telling you about. Nor do I want to be the gold digging little whore I can become.  No I want something simple and clean. Nonetheless, I have a great story for you.
40’th birthday was well on its way and approaching fast.  I wasn’t sure how I wanted to spend it, so I came up with this great idea to have a Black and White party. Everyone come in black and white and have ho rs d’oeuvres and cocktails, some entertainment and a lot of fun. 
As the days creeped slowly to death. That summer I met this hot, very hot young man. I didn’t know how he was at the time. He was a manager for a store (let’s just say), he had his own place, his own car and everything.  Latino, but looked white, unless he spoke Spanish you wouldn’t know.  He grabbed my attention and we went out a couple of times.
We went out a few times. Dinners, a party here or there. Our conversations were long and interesting. We talked about our jobs, our summers, our women (okay, his) and some men (mine, I didn’t have one), and about what we would do in the future.  He was comfortable with his sexuality and with me. Never crossed any boundaries.
Riding in his car was fun, especially with him flirting with you. We almost always spoke in double entrendres’ I wasn’t sure what was going on. Seem familiar right. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m forty and its no different from when I was thirty. I really don’t know what’s going on with these so called straight guys. So the sun kept rising and the heat kept getting hotter. I almost had him in my room, but I wasn’t sure and decided to play it cool.  That’s a lot of cold showers in the summer instead of the guy.
My birthday finally arrived. My exes showed up too. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have invited them. Anyone of them. They made this party a hassle and a pain in the ass. I smiled and accepted it. It was my fault to begin with.  So the party starts going and my ex makes a spectacle of himself. Telling everyone that we were getting married, adopting kids and making our lives a moment of truth. The guy I was trying to bed heard it all, asked questions and got lost. He approached me towards the end and asks me what’s up. I told him that my ex was crazy.
I found out he was 22 and was a little confused about me and my ex.  He pulled me aside gave me a shot and told me that my es is really serious and that he was going to back off. I didn’t know what to say. First, I was drunk. Second, I didn’t realize we were serious. I didn’t know we were courting. Someone forgot to tell me. I would have given in to his desires (ok, mine) long ago. And third, WTF was I supposed to say?
I never saw him again. Damn it.  Take my head. Leave the ex’s in the past. That’s were they belong. They will only make your life miserable. Of course I made his miserable too. Why be selfish.
Can you beat that story? I hope so, because I feel soooo stupid. I didn’t know we were dating and I shouldn’t have invited my ex.
Moral of the story:  Bed the guy before its too late and don’t let him meet your ex’s.

My Twenties

When I was in my twenties, things didn’t change much. I was now attracted to men my age. Imagine that.  However, there were a couple of cases when an older man (32) caught my attention. It was a very seductive thought. An older man.  Oooohhh. A spoiled rich brat that started working at a fast food restaurant because his father was going to take him on the trust. I still have the silver Chai he gave me. I get a kick when people see me where it. A few gentlemen tried to have a conversation with me in Yiddish.
Let’s do that “If I knew then what I know now” thing. I’m getting to like that silly cliche; it serves its purpose.  When I hit 19 and 20, I was a big whore. Let’s be honest. I slept with students, teachers, faculty at the school it was going to. I got my self-involved in all the school activities. I was secretary of Student Government, I was a Big Brother and a few other select committees I started.
So, yes. If with what I know now, I probably wouldn’t do that. I was immature and vulnerable. I manipulated men easily. I had a lot of fun.  However, my nemesis showed a year later. He controlled me. He told me what to do, and I listened. He was my world. So much for being on top of the world. Now I was under his feet. I lost my heart, my way, and almost my life. Honestly, I don’t think I recovered from that break up that became a breakdown. If I knew him now, maybe I would still have gone out with him, only with a little more care.
In contrast, the guy with the Chai was hot. I mean an older man. It was taboo. He was taller than me. Nice toned body, brown eyes, and brown hair. A crooked smile, and a long nose (I tried to see if it was true), I didn’t know what to do. He took me to different places around the city. All I remember ever doing with him was get in his convertible Corvette and did a drug deal. He gave me his Chai, and I never saw him again.  Imagine that. An older man. Hmm. Now I’m older than what he was when I met him.

 

A Moment in Time

A Moment in Time
There comes a moment in one’s life that you realize that something’s wrong. You are just not sure of what it could be. Maybe it is the lack of money. Nah. I can do without wealth I have so far. Maybe it is the lack of family. Nope. My family loves care and me for me. We have our differences but then who does not. Maybe it is the lack of friends. Hell no. Friends are a dime a dozen, they come, they go, they blend. Those quarters are the ones you keep close to you. I have my buck fifty and I am very happy and fortunate to have those few friends. Scattered across the US table and underneath the bed somewhere, but they are my friends and I love them dearly.

I digress, there is something missing in my life, and I know what it is. It is called patience. I see my family, friends, relatives, and characters on TV. You all are *&^ crazy. I mean craaaazy for putting up with other people’s mess. REALLY? Is that what love is all about? Putting up with someone’s mess?

I can barely put up with myself. I know I am an ass to put up with. I am hard, conceited, flaky, dependable, honorable, deceitful, loving, caring, indifferent, insensitive, and the list goes on and on. Some positive, which is why you love me. Some negative which probably outweigh the positive ones. However, who is keeping the balance. ME. That is who.

I am keeping balance. Therefore, the question is: How much shit can you put up with from someone else? Okay, maybe two questions. WHY? Why would you put up with it? Do you put up with it because you do not want to be alone?
Love is a great thing, Mind you, if you have the patience and the hard headedness of putting up with it. I put up with my family and they put up with me, which technically means that have to put up with more. That is family you are born into it. You are blood related you are each other.
When it comes to someone else? Why would you put up with it?
If you can answer this, then I will understand more. Help me understand why I would want to put up with someone just to be in bed with him.
I admit I would love to have someone to hold me or hold on to when I am asleep. To tell him my hopes, dreams and fears. Listen to him as he counts his hopes, dreams, and fears.
The best part of having friends is that I do not have to put up with them for more than a couple of hours. I say goodbye and go on for a few days or a week. I cannot imagine putting up with those that I know for more than three hours in a row and for more than one day at a time.
Help me understand, why would you put up with them?
Love is blind. OMG. Love is not blinding. It’s stupefying. And to think, I’m here telling you my woes about wanting to be in love and have a lover and all of that. I guess I need to be patient and actually want to put up with someones s#$t for a while.

 

My Teens II

I remember when I first turned 18. I had a crush on this kid in wrestling at my school.  And a crush at this Punk, who used to walk me home. If only a guy would take the time to walk me back home today. That’d be funny.  I had fun in High School the wrestling kid always walked me from one class to the other. He was my age. Obviously, he was a wrestler, about 5’9, tight body, beautiful blue eyes and dressed very casual.
The punk on the other hand. He was almost 6 feet. Very thin, smoked and had a lanky body, naturally toned. I only saw him after school hanging out at the field waiting for me.  First, he walked me home from school, after a few months, he picked me up from home and walked me to school.  I know that he lived on the opposite side of the classroom.  I wish I would have done something with either one. Nonetheless, I have fond memories of those two.
There was, however, this one Air Force guy. I was working at a fast food restaurant, and he would come in and place his order. He came in at least twice a week and always waited for me to take his order.  There’s no way I would do that now. We ended up getting together. He would pick me up on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Sundays. Yes. Those three days. I didn’t think about it much, but now I would.
Well, come to find out, he was dating two other boys those other days. One of which came up to us at a function with a gun and tried to shoot me.  I dropped him like a hot potato. Dating a guy was not worth my life. I knew that then. Hey, I was mature.
The funny thing is. I later met that kid, and we became good friends for many years before he died of Aids. I miss him. My mom misses him. She loved him dearly. She used to greet him by tapping the top of her head just like he did when he met her.
Nowadays, if a guy only saw me certain days of the week, then I know that there’s something fishy going on. He’s probably married, with kids. Or on the Down Low. Anyway. I’d probably tell him to his wife just to get to meet her.  Oh. Wait, I did that.
Share with me your experiences. I want to know what happened to you.
This will make sense with the three requirements I’ll write in the future.  I was asked to be some old guy’s boy toy. No sex, he didn’t believe that man should have sex with each other. He had a painful experience. He just wanted me to live with him, sleep with him (literally sleep, no sex) and go with him to nightclubs, dinners, and shows. I thought wow. I can be someone’s boy toy. Nope, I didn’t want to be told what I can and can not do. What if I wanted sex? Who do I call over? Do I call when he’s asleep?

 

The Man of my Dreams

Well, that’s why I made this blog.  To let you know how I’m going to get him.  Maybe It’s you, or you, or you.  I don’t.  I genuinely wish it was Gavin Dunn, but I won’t hold my breath.
Take a look at this blog and tell me what kind of laugh you’re getting. Stay focused and move forward. That’s my goal. Yes in deedee.
I want someone that is nice. I don’t much look into age. Of course, he needs to be over 21. I would like a drink now and then.  Under 100. Yes, the centennials are out. I would talk about 1980, and he’s going to talk about the 1880’s. Not going to happen.
Sincere. I know way too many guys that are so into themselves. All they talk about themselves. It’s about them. You’re dying in the hospital, and all they can talk about is a pimple on their nipple and how much it hurts.

 Good looking. Of course, that’s subjective. What I think is cute may not be what everyone thinks is cute.  So who knows. Maybe you’re cute.
Employed or at least seeking a job.  I don’t care what you do for a living. If you’re a drug dealer, then make sure I live in a mansion. If you’re at a restaurant, bring me some good food.  I’m looking for a multimillionaire that will finance all my whims. I will settle for someone that is dirt poor and loves me for who I am. You can be my silver, my gold, my platinum, my aluminum for that matter, just love me.

Age is Irrelevant

Age is Irrelevant at 20, 30, 40’s and beyond.
It doesn’t matter what age you are. What matters is how old your partner is.  People may say, any age is good as long as their is love. I agree with that. Age should not be relevant. But in many cases it is. It just depends on how you are, as I said before.
When I was teen, I was attracted to older men. By older I meant two to three years. High School seniors, College guys, military guys. The whole prospect of someone older than 25 was unthinkable. My first love was when I was in High School. He was a senior. My first crush, was the 23 year old Physical Education teacher. Brown eyes, brown hair, nice physic. I thought he was the mature kind of guy. The senior was just an idiot chasing my neighbor and sleeping with my girlfriend (sounds like a soap.)
When I was in my twenties, things didn’t change much. I was now attracted to men my own age. Imagine that.  However, there were a couple of cases when an older man (32) caught my attention. It was a very seductive thought. An older man.  Oooohhh. A spoiled rich brat that started working at a fast food restaurant because his father was going to take him off the trust. I still have the silver Chai he gave me. I get a kick when people see me where it. A few gentlemen tried to have a conversation with me in Yiddish.
When I hit my thirties. Bang. Things changed. I dated an 18 year old. For a year. I think. I’ll talk about him later.  Not only that but a lot of younger guys were after me. I felt powerful, young men going after me. Was it my maturity? I doubt it. I was and still probably very immature. I had fun though. Then there was the one that wanted me to pay for everything.
Now, I’m in my 40’s. OMG, I am really dying here.  Since I don’t have a partner, this thing about being forty… Well.  IT SUCKS.  I’m at that age where you’re halfway past your prime and halfway closer to your death. This I will cover a future post about the 3 Requirements in the Gay Community. You’ll like that post. 
You won’t agree. Maybe you will. 

Casual Sex (not for me afterall)

So, I took the plunge. I was really in the mood for some fresh meat. Get it? Fresh Meat?

Anyway, we had the best sex ever. I mean EVER. He knew what he was doing, and he was only 19. I think, maybe 20. Regardless, I didn’t know his age until month’s later. By then it didn’t matter. I had regular sex on a daily basis. I was so exhausted in the mornings that I barely made it work.

I thought I would enjoy the attention. You know the sex. Because there was no other attention; We never talked, never conversed, never left my room. Go would call, come over (wink), do our thing and leave. Or I would call, he would come over (double wink), do our thing, and he would leave.

I was exhausted both mentally and physically. A few month’s of glory was also a few months of hell. I felt lonely and not loved. I wanted more. I want to be loved, talked to, taken out to dinner, a drink, a movie. I’ll settle for a walk around the block. As long as it is with someone that wants me to. Not just for my body, but for my heart, my mind, and yes ME.

So I digress I had the best sex ever and no love. I would trade good sex and no talk, to bad sex and love and comfort.

Okay, I might be lying. You’ll never know. Why? Because I sure don’t.

Three and only 3

The Power of 3?

So, yes I’ll admit. I’m a bit of a slut. Well, the male version of it. Anyway. I hooked up with this guy, and we spent hours together. We talked a bit, but mostly with each other and just enjoying life. Life was grand; here I thought I found someone that I would be comfortable with. Same insights, same likes and dislikes and all of that. I was a happy man.

Then. After the third time we were together, I didn’t hear from him. What the f(&*( happened. Maybe he had a lot of work to do. Maybe he needed a break? Perhaps there was an emergency with his family? I don’t know. For all, I knew he was dead in a ditch being raped by a meth addict.

Come to find out he got back in touch with me. He said that he was visiting Vegas for that week and had a lot of fun. Now he’s back home with his wife and kids somewhere in New York.

Really? What the hell? Couldn’t he tell me this first? Let me know that I was going out with a married man? OMG. What is wrong with this world?

Accepting Emails

Why not Snail Mail is much faster.

I’ve been known to post some elaborate postings on the internet. I go all out with thoughts, goals, dreams and so on and so forth. At one time I think I did a dissertation and got many A’s. Other times I write a few paragraphs and rant and rave about dating men who are idiots. I have fun with those.

So here is my rant. If you took the time to read my looooong posting. Wich is a feat on its own. And then you too? the time to write back with more than a word. You know complete sentences and thoughts. I don’t get many of those. I read and am very happy and I respond to the email.

I get a message that states that the email is not accepted by AOL.  Really? What the hell? Why go through all that trouble if you can’t receive my email. Next time send me your PO Box and I’ll snail you a message.

Frustrating.

Ex's are Assholes

X boyfriends. Yes the Devils.

How do you stop from living your life due to an ex? I know I did at one point. I mean really. Why in gay hell would you still be friends with them? I always tried to be nice, and caring and be an adult about it. Nah. It doesn’t work. Not only are they ass holes, but so am I.  I’ve done something that I may not be proud. It just so happens that at the time it seemed like the appropriate thing to do. You know to screw with them.

I think I may have crossed the line when I slept with my ex’s boyfriend. They weren’t compatible anyway. I was trying to prove that the guy was no good. That the guy was an ass and taking advantage of him was easy. I did it because I had a heart and wanted my ex to live his life well. So, I thought. I was just exercising some very mean emotions and taking it out on him.

Of course, every action deserves a reaction. This same ex came into town and told the guy that I was trying to get in his pants that we were having a baby and getting married. I swear I was about to close the deal on the guy and consummate it that night. Months of working hard to get him to trust me and feel comfortable with me. No. This jackass just comes over and starts putting doubt on the guy’s mind. The guy tells me that I’m trying to make my ex-jealous and he wants nothing to do with me. F(*&

I am going to revenge my sunken battleship. It’s kind of hard because we’re not on speaking terms as of late.