Age Is Relevant

June 4, 2014
I don’t know about you, but I don’t look 40. I look maybe 30ish. I am not saying I’m the cream of the crop, or that I am a spring chicken. My bones hurt when I move, I run out a breath when I go up the stairs at my apartment (I think it’s because of my weight), and I have to trim my nose and ear hairs. Daign it. I’m old. And I feel it.  I have friends my age (give or take 5 years), that either has been grandparents for a while or are waiting for their latest one. I’m also at the age where some of my new acuatences have parents my age. I don’t know how to feel about that one.
Maybe my point is that now I see why young guys look for me. I have been dating (okay, not dating, we have yet to go somewhere, or have a conversation that is more than “Hi,”) fa man who is 18 and 1/2 (that half is important) for a few months now. He’s blond, blue eyed, six feet, athletic and very good looking. He know’s what to do in bed. Out of bed, he’s a genious. The positions… The sex is great. I look forward each time he would come over.
I felt that having a younger man would make me feel younger. Or that it would make me feel more active. I WAS WRONG. I can’t keep up with him. Not in bed or otherwise. I just can’t do it.  We never leave my room, we just have sex. I’m not talking a few minutes. I’m talking an hour, hour and a half. I mean, I was so exhausted a few times that I was throwing up in the bathroom, trying to breathe.  I had to stop.
I am glad it’s over. The sex was AWESOME, but I couldn’t keep up with him. He wanted to come over four or five times a week. Once he came over twice in the same night. Now I feel old. My body hurts for days; I have muscle cramps and can’t get my bearings. It’s embarrassing.
Good thing we never left the house or continued the relationship out of my bedroom. I knew nothing of him except for his hot body. I don’t know if he knew how to read or write. I knew he could talk, he could talk very well. If we had ever left my house, my siblings would be harrasing me. One of my friends would get upset for being her competition. Another would just high five me and tell me what a stud I am.
Here are some of the jokes I can think of that would make me want to question my dating him in public.
·         Out on a date? Circus Circus?
·         When you buy him a present, is it Angry Birds Star Wars?
·         Dinner? MacDonald’s or are you taking him to Chuckee Cheese’s
·         Come over for a playdate. Your boyfriend can play with my seven year old.
·         Put him back in the crib.
·         Amber Alert. Child Abduction.
·         (With a milk carton in hand), Let me see, I think I’ve seen him before.
·         My kid is having a birthday party, bring your boyfriend over; we’re getting a bouncy bounce.
·         Let’s go out to drink. Oh. Wait. Can you find a babysitter with such short notice?
·         Have a beer. A root beer.
·         Are you investing in your future? You change his diapers today, and he’ll change yours tomorrow?
·         (At the restaurant), Do you need a booster seat?
·         (At the store), Young man, I have a register open, bring your father over and I’ll ring you up.
·         (Security at the mall), Thank you sir. I’ll find his parents.
·         You’re taking him to the casinos? Silverton has a fish aquarium.
Give me some of yours. I have to start a list of some of these.
Needles to say. I don’t see him anymore. The dread of hearing the above jokes just makes me cringe. I am sure I would die of a heart attack or other natural causes if I kept up with him.
I’m single again. Well, actually, I’m still single.
Yes, I still think age is irrelevant. In my defense. I want to date someone my own age give or take ten years.
Not more.
If you young and dating an older man, tell me your stories. I’ll start a blog on that.


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